Yeah, but. . .
Have you ever engaged in a conversation only to find the
other person disagreeing with you? I have, many times. It
seems like there is something wrong with being agreeable,
something that weakens our personal power.
Often the disagreement is on a minor point of no
consequence. Yet, it is a challenge of who is right and who
is wrong. Must there always be opposing opinions?
When a sales person wants to make a sale, one of the first
things they do is find a point upon which they can agree
with the potential client. It may be something they can
compliment the prospect about. “I see you were president
of an international organization! That must have been quite
an experience! Congratulations.” The idea is to be congenial
and try to find common ground. Why not in our personal
conversations, too?
If you want to form a relationship of any sort, look for points of
agreement. There is no need to be manipulative, just address
points of agreement before injecting the points on which you
differ. When you build rapport first, your point of view is
more likely to be heard and seriously considered.
Syndey J. Harris, the columnist, once wrote: “Thomas
Aquinas, who knew more about education and persuasion than
almost anybody who ever lived, once said that when you want
to convert someone to your view, you go over to where he (or
she) is standing, take him by the hand (mentally speaking),
and guide them. You don’t stand across the room and shout at
him; you don’t call him a dummy; you don’t order him to come
over to where you are. You start where he is, and work from
that position. That’s the only way to get him to budge.”
(How to Get People to Do Things by Robert Conklin)
People are persuaded by emotions not intellect. So when you
want them to say “Yes,” talk to their emotions–gently,
patiently, with empathy. Put yourself in their position and
look for a positive outcome.
