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12-STEP PROGRAM FOR RECOVERING WORKAHOLICS

Workaholics are driven. I know. I’ve been one for many years. There’s never enough time to get everything done and there’s always more coming in to be done. It’s not all imposed on us, we reach out for it in many instances. We want to learn more, be more, do more; we don’t see our limits. A year ago I decided to reform—to set limits. When I announced my resolution in my Christmas letter, a friend wrote back that he didn’t know that I had an addiction. He had mistaken WORK-a-holic for AL-coholic. He encouraged me to join a 12-step program and stick with it. After I stopped laughing, I decided to try it.
Perhaps you’d like to try it, too.

1. Set your alarm to go off one hour later—you’re probably getting up too early

2. Go out for lunch, don’t eat on the job.

3. Walk to work—if you work at home, go for a walk before getting to work.

4. Add “reformed workaholic” to your signature block so you can inspire others.

5. Put an alarm on your computer and set it to go off after the computer has been on for 8 hours. Shut it down when the alarm goes off.

6. Throw out all those motivational placards you have hanging over your desk.

7. Go into a joint venture with another workaholic who is not in the 12-step program.
Better yet, marry a workaholic!

8. Buy a home in the country and go there at least four times a year.

9. Go fishing—there’s nothing quite like it. You may think you’ll go berserk the first time, but you’ll get used to sitting and doing nothing but watching the water for the big one to jump and imbibing in a few refreshments.

10. Get a massage regularly and learn yoga.

11. Go to confession often to get rid of the guilt feelings.

12. Sell your car and keep the blinds closed in your house or apartment. Your neighbors will hate you.

True Story
The man looked sad. It was a bright sunshiny day outside the LA airport, but he looked like rain. “It was 10 degrees when I left home in West Virginia this morning,” he said after we were comfortably seated in the shuttle van. “There must have been snow or ice,” I replied. Then, for no reason, added, “I lived in northern Virginia for 16 years and I love the snow. I worked in the Pentagon. Are you visiting relatives here?” “No, I treat myself to one trip out here every year to see a ball game.”

Then suddenly he was talking about returning from Vietnam, landing at the airport in San Bernardino, and getting on a bus to go to Camp Pendleton. He was in the Marine Corps then and he couldn’t understand why people were calling them names and throwing things at the troops. He was looking straight ahead, but cast a quick glance in my direction. “Things I can’t even mention in public.” That hurt so bad, when he got to his room, he cried. “I tried to understand,” he said. “It’s a free country and they could protest. But why the insults? We didn’t do anything wrong. I still think of it sometimes and when it gets so bad I can’t stand it, I go for a walk in the woods. And I cry.”

I told him that I’d written the logistics support plan for the burial of the unknown serviceman from Vietnam. He turned to look at me and was very still. Then he reached over and put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it slightly. “Then you know what I’m talking about, don’t you.” I nodded, thinking of other Vietnam Vets who had shared similar sentiments. I asked if he had ever visited the Vietnam Memorial. “Oh, no,” he said and sat quietly. His mouth moved and his lips were moist, but he didn’t say anything. I could see the torment in his face. It was too hard to do.

Fred told of his mother and father passing away. “I buried them,” he said, “and I cried. I won’t go to funerals any more. I send wreaths, and cards, but I don’t want to cry again.” I asked him about the facilities for veterans in West Virginia. They have fine facilities, he said. “The psychologists have encouraged me to go in and talk to them. But if I do that, it dishonors the corps. It makes us look less than honorable, don’t you think?” I told him it was okay to get help and that it seemed like he had found a way to cope. “When the first President Bush said the parade for the military coming home from the Gulf War was for all of us, that helped a lot. I thought ‘Finally, we’re getting a welcome home.’”

Fred’s not angry or bitter. He is dealing with vivid memories of his fellow Americans turning on him and his buddies. He seems to be still trying to reconcile his role in preserving our freedoms with having those freedoms turned against him. And when it gets to be more than he can stand, he walks in the woods and he cries. “You understand, don’t you?” When the shuttle pulled up to my place, he stepped down and offered his hand to help me out. He held on, looked me in the eyes, and said, “Thank you for being there for him at the burial.”

Tomorrow is the fourth anniversary of the attack on America, 9/11. Who does not have a horrible picture of that day stamped on their mind? Remember how the country came together and waved the American flag? It was so inspiring to see us united.

Today we’re encouraged to get those flags out again and hang them high. Remember to treat your flag with respect. If it’s going to hang all night, keep a light on it. If you want a real treat, request a flag that’s flown over the US Capitol building from your Congressman or woman. It’s quite inexpensive and special. Just call your Representative’s office and ask for the person who handles the flag requests. That would be a very special gift for a military person.

Harry S. Truman, DTM, IPDG, handed me a citation, a Toastmasters International Presidential Citation onjust before I dashed off to Kelly USA. Harry had accepted the citation on my behalf at the International Convention in Toronto, Canada. The citation is for “outstanding contributions to Toastmasters International and its program of Communication and Leadership.” I am very grateful for this high honor presented by Toastmasters International President, Jon R. Greiner, DTM, Immediate Past International President.

Toastmasters International, as you may know, is a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving oral communication and leadership skills. It has over 200,000 members in countries around the world.

Harry Truman, yes that’s his REAL name, is the Immediate Past District Governor of Distinguished District 55 where I am now a member of the Audie’s Orators Toastmasters Club at the Audie Murphy VA Hospital.
When I joined Toastmasters I was terrified of speaking in public and had actually frozen on one embarrassing occasion! To see why I’m still a Toastmaster, click here

I found him! George Scott, Jr. and I go back a long way. We were Toastmasters in District 27 in the late 80’s and early 90’s. He was dedicated and could always liven up a group. George retired a few years ago and he and Margaret, his wife, moved back to New Orleans and opened a Bed and Breakfast.

I sent George an email–it was returned–old address. I called Toastmasters International to see if they had word. Nothing. I sent an email to the address they had. It came back–out-of-date. I contacted the current leaders in the Washington, DC area–our old stomping grounds. Nothing. I dialed his phone numbers The home phone rang and rang–no answer. Of course, not. They either got out early or were in an evacuee center somewhere. I dialed his business number and it was not in service. I searched the msnbc.com “saved” list. Nothing. Then I posted his and Margaret’s names on the “looking for someone” list.

I was getting more and more worried. George is a good guy. He would help anyone he could and I was afraid that goodness might have gotten him into a situation he couldn’t free himself from. I thought of contacting law enforcement in the area–well, I was getting desperate. I began to look for a photo to post on the web and then I thought I’d try his phone again. Home phone: No answer. Business phone: “Hello.” I almost fell out of my chair!
“George–is that you George?” “Yes ?” This is Jo!”

He and Margaret left New Orlens early Sunday morning. George had been working out of town and returned with barely enough time to get ready and get on the road. I later called him back to see what magic he had worked to get his business phone working. “Nothing to it, Jo. The business number is my cell phone and I had the phone company reroute it to Monroe, LA.”

This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice in it and be glad.

After viewing many of the programs memorializing 9/11, and thinking of the recent tragedies caused by Katrina, it’s easy to count being alive as a major blessing. Thank you. Lord. I pray that I would have the courage shown by the passengers on Flight 93 who charged the cockpit and the terrorists flying the plane. The documentary on the History Channel and subsequent interview with relatives of some of the passengers gave me a better understanding and appreciation of the plane crash in Shanksville, PA. With the horror of the twin towers, it is easy to overlook the events at the Pentagon and in the field in PA. Let us remember and resolve to be prepared for the next strike.

You may know that I worked in the Pentagon for nine years–before 9/11. A former co-worker, Paul, told me his story when I visited a year later.

On 11 September, I was heading from our new offices on the 3rd floor, C Ring to the office of Paul, our UK LNO [liaison officer], on the E ring (outer ring) to give him a CD I had with 1200 house plans on it. My wife and I had finally selected one plan for our new home and I knew he and his wife were about to do the same when he returned to England. As I reached to push the door to leave our office with the CD in a file folder, I had the strongest sense that I should not go out the door and head for the E ring. (It is hard to say whether it was a ‘voice’ or just a strong ’sense’ that I should not go out that door). I instead went to my Colonel’s office near the door and watched the President’s brief announcement that he was heading back to Washington (from Florida).

The time that passed from when I turned away from the door, watched the President and headed back to the door, was less than a minute. Both the COL and I headed toward the door when the building shook and we heard a loud ‘thud’. Then a ‘wave’ of air blew by us and I recall my hair being blown upwards as if I had just walked in front of a large fan. We looked at each other and he said ‘get out’. I opened the door and looked toward the E ring. The blackest smoke I had ever seen (it looked like what I envision Hell to be like) was billowing down the corridor from the D and E rings toward where I was standing. Had I ignored my warning and ventured out, I would have been walking, in the area that was now covered in debris and smoke. I turned away from it towards the A ring and the exit.

The office directly across from ours had their ceiling tiles down or hanging down and people were exiting screaming. I meet a person coming out of that office with blood trickling down his face (I later found out that those offices across were the ‘end’ of the explosion area). We walked together towards the center courtyard where we were immediately met by medical personnel from the Pentagon’s health unit. Since I knew he was in good hands, I went on to the South parking lot as the center court filled with the smell of jet fuel and thick smoke. As I entered the parking lot, I realized I still had the folder with the CD in it. It was 3 months before I finally gave the CD to Paul with this story to go with it. He did not know I was coming to meet him that day.

The planes’ angle (just to the left of our office), saved the entire DCSLOG family from immediate damage. If the plane had flown straight down the 4th corridor, many in DCSLOG would have perished, along with the COL and I; of that I am certain. Most of the DCSLOG offices, fortunately, were untouched except for smoke and some water damage from the subsequent fires and fire fighting efforts.

The next day I was in the LOC [Logistics Operations Center], just trying to be helpful. I believe that returning to the Pentagon and working 14-16 hour days, helped me overcome some of the psychological scars (the horrible vivid dreams and ‘guilt’ feelings that I survived and others had not) that followed me for a few nights after 9-11.

John was pleased that I wanted to share his story, but he added this caveat: “Please make it clear that I was saved by divine intervention. Guardian angels do exist and only by the grace of God am I here to tell you this story.”

In the days following the disastrous results of Katrina and Lake Pontchartrain’s subsequent breach of the levees in New Orleans, the US has focused on failures in leadership. Lessons Learned are part of an After Action report that is developed after the heat of the battle, not during it. Every available resource, including brain power, should be focused on solving the problems at hand and anticipating those upcoming in the near future.

Long ago these key ingredients of leadership shouod have been in place. Decisiveness; Objectivity–Hire the right person for the job; and Confidence–Count on self-leadership.

1. Decisiveness. Be decisive. Seldom are we presented with ALL the facts, especially in an emergency. Get help to gather all the information you can from varying perspectives given the time available. You will need to determine what is fact and what is opinion. Be aware of hidden agendas. Refer to existing plans. Think. Ask questions; drill down, ask more questions. When you get conflicting information, and you will, choose which to believe. If you have a mastermind group, confer with them. Refer to your past experience and personal knowledge. Say a prayer and announce your decision.

Of course, there are risks. As more information becomes available, the decision may need to be adjusted. Stay involved.

2. Objectivity. Hire the right person for the job–not your friend, son, daughter, or wealthiest supporter. Surround yourself with competent, experienced people. Know what you want. Have a job description before advertising or announcing the vacancy. Select critical success factors. During the interview, focus on capabilities you are looking for and past experience. Listen carefully. Provide ‘what if’ scenarios and allow the job candidate to use their analytical skills in the process if that’s a job requirement. Check references and listen to what is not said as well as what is said. If you need to hone your listening skills, click here to get started. Be objective and select the best person for the job.

Political appointees are part of our political process. That will not change. The key is to place experienced career public servants in high-level supporting roles and give them a voice in the decision-making process. They are the experts.

The challenge for career public servants is to sway with political changes; their promise is to be apolitical. When all parties are focused on the good of the country and willing to collaborate in solving problems, their task is much easier.

3. Confidence. Lead Yourself. Don’t wait to be led by others. Develop personal leadership skills. Take time to reflect on your inner being and your strengths. Who are you? What are your core values? What inspires you? What makes life work for you? List your skills and abilities. Learn all you can about leadership and influencing people and situations around you. Collaborate with others and improve your communication skills.

In the disaster relief center at Kelly USA where I volunteered on Friday after the disaster, I saw many men leading their families, babies in arms, to their designated cots. They were dirty and unshaven, some without shoes, but they were in charge. Early arrivals with children in tow were in search of clean clothes and showers. Some were alone, dazed and exhausted. By Tuesday people were arriving from the hospital, eager to begin putting their lives back together again. The Red Cross had done an admirable job of organizing the center, based on plans, rehearsals, and past experience.

Some time ago I read an article in the “Beverly Hills Chronicle” about a movement to stop gossip. What an incredible idea! About the same time, the “Los Angeles Times” ran an article titled “Anti-Gossip Drive Goes from Whisper to Roar.” The premise is that if we stop cutting each other down, saying mean things, and gossiping, we will develop into a more civil society. Rabbi Chaim Feld of University Heights, Ohio, and several associates hope his message that “words can heal” will become a national mantra. Endorsers include Tom Cruise, Goldie Hawn, and Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), according to the article. Rabbi Feld has taught classes on the value of ethical speech and mutual respect. Think what such a class could do for our politicians! The Rabbi also coauthored a book, “The Words Can Heal Handbook: How Changing Your Words Can Transform Your Life and the Lives of Others.”

In our book, 101 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills Instantly, 4th Edition,” we advise, “Avoid words that hurt.” If a situation must be corrected, phrase your criticism to include something positive along with specific suggestions for improvement. Don’t get personal. Address the behavior or attitude of a person. Do not attack their worth as a person. Avoid embarrassing other people. A measure of one’s stature is consideration for others. You’ll be hearing more about Rabbi Feld’s campaign. Why not join in?

Back to the Disaster Relief Center September 6, 2005

With donations in hand I headed back to the Kelly USA Disaster Relief Center this afternoon after getting some business attended to in the morning. I felt refreshed and ready to tackle whatever came my way. The Red Cross is well organized—sign in lists—sign out lists—locations to be staffed and with how many volunteers on a white board. They offered the children’s room or linens. I’m a coward, I took linens. I couldn’t even talk with the adults without tearing up; I’d never be able to handle the children.

The Center had about a third more people than it had when I left on Friday. People seemed to have settled in as much as possible with cots, sheets, pillows, and blankets. I was surprised the linen room was so busy. There were never enough blankets for all who wanted them. Pillows ran out before everyone had one. Most people were orderly and grateful, though a few were greedy.

One man who came in was a World War II, Korea, and Vietnam Veteran. He was looking for the housing office, which was farther down the hall. He should have been given an escort after all he’s been through! Volunteers will be needed for a long time.

I’ll probably go back and suggest that you, too, find out how you can help.