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Have you ever had a problem where you just felt stuck? There seemed to be no way out, no “wiggle room.” Imagine how the people from the Houston, TX area felt the past few days. Sitting in their pickup trucks, cars, and SUVs, My aunt, Reba, was one of those people trying to drive from Baytown, which is east of Houston, to San Antonio,which is west of Houston almost 200 miles. They tried side roads, feeder roads, access roads, nothing worked. They even tried to enter Interstate Highway 10, which is the major route to San Antonio in good times, when they opened the east bound lanes to westbound traffic. Since this was uncharted territory, they missed the first entry point and were forced into more traffic. When they tried to enter via what is usually an exit, an officer turned them back. Why? That was his orders! Stymied after spending 8 hours in their cars just trying to leave the Houston area, they turned around and went home.

What do you do when all the doors seem to be closed? Retreat, pulling back, is always an option. We usually see that as defeat and NOT an option. If you have a strategic objective, an overall strategy, and a plan, falling back may make a lot of sense. It gives you time to regroup and rethink critical issues. In Reba’s case, the situation had changed somewhat during the 8 hours on the highway. The storm had weakened, the direction of the storm seemed to be veering away from their area, and they were running out of gas with no place to refill. No one had foreseen the massive gridlock.

When you find yourself stuck, after you’ve tried everything you can think of, sought help from others, checked with authorities, and still don’t see a solution, consider pulling back. Often just letting go of the problem allows your subconscious mind to go to work on the issue. You can tackle the issue at another time with a fresh mind.

“That’s what you get for thinking.” It sounded like the woman was near panic as she spoke with a TV reporter by phone. “We live in about the middle of Galveston Island and thought we could ride it out,” she said of the approaching Hurricane Rita. “But then we decided that we would rather not be dead.” She seemed to be saying that she and her spouse would have been better off to follow the crowd and evacuate. There are times to be an independent thinker, of course. No one wants to be just one of the herd, following the leader. We are thinkers! Even so, once in a while, we all make mistakes as a result of our decision-making process.

There are times when it is best to yield to the advice of people who are better informed and better educated in areas that we are not. It’s not easy for hard-charging leaders to yield. It is a lesson to be learned. Hopefully, they got out safely.

(My own daughter and her family chose not to leave their home in the western outskirts of Houston.)

Ever wonder who’s in charge where you work? How many times do you see people who report to two or more bosses? Even when you think you have one boss, sometimes that boss is over ridden by a higher power. We work through those problems when they occur, trying to keep everybody happy.

When it comes across the TV screen in a very public way with the Mayor of New Orleans saying one thing and the Disaster Relief chief saying another, it makes one wonder. Who IS in charge? Which leader should we follow? Where is the chain of command? What, no organization chart?

Perhaps there should be a new mandatory course for high school seniors explaining the separation of powers: city, state, Federal and the chain of command in disaster situations. No doubt, the Mayor is the leader of his city–until he calls in the Feds. Then he loses control. If he needs help to bail out his city, it would be wise to at least consult with the experts before making a public pronouncement.

Even when we Take Charge of our own lives, it is wise to enroll other people, to let them know what we are thinking and planning and even ask them for feedback. No person is an island. No one knows it all. It is not demeaning to collaborate. Instead, it exhibits a certain amount of self-confidence.

Planning a vacation? Try Nessebar on the Black Sea. Recently I was treated to a visit to Bulgaria by friends I met in a Rotary Club,
Dr. and Mrs. Gazdov. What an exciting learning experience it was. I was amazed at how very little I knew about the country and its
people.

Bulgaria is in a strategic location near the Turkish Straits; it controls key land routes from Europe to the Middle East and Asia. Of
all those over age 15, 98.6% can read and write. Most English-speaking people in the country are British. The people are warm and
friendly.

The most interesting things I discovered were the antiquity of the country and the process of building on the past.

According to The World Factbook, the Bulgars, a Central Asian Turkic tribe, merged with the local Slavic inhabitants in the late 7th
century to form the first Bulgarian state. In succeeding centuries, Bulgaria struggled with the Byzantine Empire to assert its place
in the Balkans, but by the end of the 14th century the country was overrun by the Ottoman Turks. Northern Bulgaria attained autonomy
in 1878 and all of Bulgaria became independent in 1908. The US struggle for independence was very brief by comparison.

Having fought on the losing side in both World Wars, Bulgaria fell within the Soviet sphere of influence and became a People’s
Republic in 1946. Communist domination ended in 1990, when Bulgaria held its first multiparty election since World War II and began
the contentious process of moving toward political democracy and a market economy while combating inflation, unemployment, corruption,
and crime. Today, reforms and democratization keep Bulgaria on a path toward eventual integration into the European Union. The country
joined NATO in 2004.

I would highly recommend a visit for your next vacation.

Recently I was asked to present a communication seminar for a singles group. The activities leader planned many interesting events, but noted that the group just didn’t seem to develop rapport with one another.

During the course of the seminar, I asked the group what were their greatest communication challenges. Here’s what I learned.

1. Starting a conversation where there is no anticipated agenda.
2. Making friends on a group trip.
3. To be less out there asking for phone numbers.
4. Knowing someone else listens to me.
5. Covering up my discomforts by attacking rather than asking for a change.
6. Trying to maintain a conversation with someone who only gives short, one word answers. Can’t draw them out.
7. Expressing myself thru writing.

MOST ANNOYING: People who talk constantly, ask questions, and don’t wait for an answer.

Perhaps you can relate to some of these these challenges, whether or not you are single. In the coming days, I’ll discuss these challenges and provide some tips to overcome them. In the meantime, if you have personally found yourself facing these challenges and want to comment on how you overcame them, please use the comment button.
Thanks.

Bulgarians are warm and wonderful people. Their ancient
country is in a strategic location near the Turkish Straits;
it controls key land routes from Europe to the Middle East
and Asia. We took one of those routes for a brief visit to
Turkey with the Gozdov’s friends, the Petrovs.

Most important lessons I relearned: Taking a short cut
doesn’t always get you where you want to go faster.

We were on a delightful excursion with Hristo Petrov at the
wheel. Bound for Istanbul, we first visited the ancient city
of Troy. This was a special treat as I climbed into the
Trojan horse for a photo op, walked through the ruins upon
ruins of the city, and picked up a small rock for
remembrance. I think it was legal. In Troy, as in Bulgaria,
I was struck by the succession of buildings upon buildings.
They have marked seven cities of Troy, each built upon the
ruins of the other. It reminded me of the value of building
on what we have learned in the past and the firm foundation
a good education provides.

After Troy, we spent the night in Chanacle on the
Dardanelles Straits where I learned about the battles of
World War I fought for control. A ferry ride took us across
to the road to Istanbul and we were on our way. Ah, but
there was a blue line on the map along the coast that would
cut many kilometers off the trip.
So, though the road sign to Istanbul pointed in another
direction, off we went to the coast! How many times have you
taken a short cut and had it turn out successfully?

Very quickly, the paved road vanished and we wound our way
from village to village on one-lane unpaved roads, often
high above the sea. Spas, the navigator, asked directions
several times–but his Turkish was as poor as my Bulgarian.
Clinging to the side of the mountain on the tiny road, we
could look down the steeply sloping fields to the sea.
Only Spas thought to look up the mountain. He cheerfully
pointed out the silhouettes of a goat herd against the blue
sky. We were not alone!

The road got worse; it became two tracks in the dirt. At one
point, water from a spring higher up the mountain crossed
the tracks and ran on down. The stability of our perch came
into question. Hristo apologized again and again; but no
need, we were on an adventure, laughing and talking! Then we
spotted the car that had run off the road and was flipped on
its side in a field far below. We paused to consider, but
had no options open at that point. We pressed on.

Finally, solid ground and paved roadway! We had only lost
about three hours in the process. It was rush hour when we
reached Istanbul and the gas tank was on empty. Cars five
and six abreast, people rushing from work–which lane should
we be in? Where is the nearest gas station? “Petrol?” Spas
asked again and again of people in other cars inching along
by our side. Finally we coasted into a service station.

The adventure had ended. What an exciting trip. Think of
what we would have missed on the beaten path!

While I was working in one of the Disaster Relief Centers following Hurricane Katrina, a young woman approached me in the hallway. She faced me squarely and asked me a question. I know she asked me a question because she paused and looked at me expectantly. I had no idea what she said so I smiled and asked her to repeat it. She did and I tried really hard to listen and read her lips. Her lips barely moved, her voice was a low monotone. Her eye contact was great! She expected an answer. That was clear. I had no clue what the young woman wanted and my eyes were searching for some help. She was getting a little impatient with me and shortened her message. She caught a clump of hair in her hands as she continued to listen for an answer. Body language! Finally, I had a clue. I sent her to the room where personal care products were available. She seemed satisfied.

There could be many different reasons the woman did not speak more distinctly. She had apparently been through a lot to be here in a strange city with thousands of other people in a huge building. Under ordinary circumstances, if I were coaching her, I would begin by recommending

1. Some exercises to improve her articulation–exercises that would have her opening her mouth wider, exaggerating her lip, tongue, and jaw movements.
2. I would ask her to speak louder and enunciate her words more carefully.
3. I would also give her positive feedback on her use of nonverbal language.

And, I would probably give her a copy of my book 101 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills Instantly.

“Still the question recurs ‘can we do better?’ The dogmas
of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The
occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise to
the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and
act anew.”

- -Abraham Lincoln in his Annual Message to Congress,
December 1, 1862
“Lincoln on Leadership” by Donald T. Phillips

Hurricane Katrina stopped thousands of people in their tracks. Their challenge is to pick up what’s left and begin their lives anew. Taking charge of our lives is a significant challenge for many of us. There is no time to think of the future. We’re so busy dealing with daily challenges and opportunities that we seldom spend time thinking and deciding what we want our future to be. Many of us have given up on the idea and believe that destiny will dictate. Thinking about what we want, however, will allow us to make better decisions that lead to achieving what we want.

This is not to say that we must CONTROL all the events in our lives. We just need to pick a point in the future and set our gyroscopes on it. Then we do the best we can to make decisions that lead in the direction we’ve chosen. This is not a linear process, but a dynamic leaping forward and sometimes looping back to evaluate and think some more.

Often we find serendipities along the way. For example, some time ago while I was an extra in a movie that was filming at Union Station in Los Angeles, I picked up a voice message on my cell phone during one of the breaks. Someone wanted to buy a couple of copies of our book, 101 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills Instantly. John followed up and the caller bought several books and audio-tape sets. In a later conversation with the caller, I asked how he’d heard about the book. “Jo, you won’t believe it,” he said. He related how he had found a satchel, “like a briefcase,” in the road. In the briefcase were several different books, but no identification of the owner. Our friend took the satchel home and looked at the books. 101 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills Instantly caught his attention and he read it. Inside he found our telephone number and called. “I’m an immigrant,” he explained, “and I like your book. I can really use it.”

Out of nowhere, a stranger found our book and was influenced by it.
Out of nowhere, things happen to move you toward your destination. If you know where you’re going, you will recognize these “coincidences” and take full advantage of them.

How would you communicate with loved ones in an emergency
Situation? The Homeland Security web site offers a “Family
Communication Plan.” I recommend that you download it and add a caution to remain calm.
Modify it to suit your purposes, including what to do when telephones and electricity are not available. Fill in the blanks and print out the forms. Then exercise the plan—practice to be sure that family members know what to do. Review the plan and keep it current. It could save days of searching after an emergency.